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No matter how her appearance has changed, in my heart my Mom is the most beautiful mother in the world.
“Distant stars, silent in the dark sky,a little child, missing his mother…” Whenever I hear this famousChinese song from the 90s, even though it may be freezing winter, Ifeel like I am surrounded by fluffy wool. Taking a deep breath, itfeels like I am surrounded by the special aroma of wool, and it warmlyfills my heart.
When I was a child, I never needed to worry about the bitter cold in North China’s winters.
Mother would knit me woolen sweater and woolen pants before winter setin. All my friends envied me because I had several warm, woolensweaters colorfully decorated with cute rabbits or deer to change into.
My mother would stay up late into the night in order to knitme a sweater. In the lamp’s light, her needles slowly flowed. When Iwas young, mother sent me to learn drawing, dancing, and the piano. Shewanted her daughter to be excellent. However I always escaped andplayed with my friends instead. When she found out she was disappointed.
Although my family is not rich mother made sure I never wanted foranything. I had all the things other children had, as well as thethings other children didn’t have. Sometimes my mother rode her bicycleall over the city, searching everywhere for a pair of red dancing shoesor a pair of white socks I needed.
In 1997 my mother and I start to practice Falun Gong.That was the happiest time of our lives. Every day before the sun rose,mother brought a tape recorder and blanket and we went to the exercise site. Nothing could stop us, no matter the weather.
In 1999, the Chinese Communist Party began persecuting Falun Gong.China was attacked by evil and darkness and it spread over the wholecountry. Every night, mother would bring me with her on her bicycle andwe distributed materials that exposed the persecution.
Later my mother was illegally detained three times. When I was in high school and university,the relationship between my mother and me was unprecedentedly tense. Iargued with her whenever I returned home from school during holidays.In the summer of 2008, we had an especially bad argument. I was mad andpacked my luggage to go back to school.When I came to the bus station and had just gotten on the bus, mymother called me and said, “I am sorry. I shouldn’t treat you likethat. Don’t be angry.” I suddenly began crying. However I didn’t knowthis was the last conversation I would have with her for the next twoyears.
On Christmas day that year, which is also herbirthday, my mother was reported by someone while she was distributingmaterials that clarified the truth in a supermarket. She was sent toShandong Second Female Labor Camp. At the time, I had a feeling thatsomething happened to my mother. However, due to my busy school work, Ididn’t make phone calls home. Finally during the winter break, I wastold by my dad that my mother was in a forced labor camp.
Mother is a word that was unfamiliar to me for two years. Many times Icried out in my dreams, and when I woke up, my face was covered withtears. Every time I phoned the labor camp, they refused to allow me tospeak with my mother using the excuse that she refused to be“transformed.” My letters were not sent to her and family members arenot allowed to visit her. Later I learned that, at the time, my motherhad already been persecuted so severely that she was handicapped.
In 2009, I went to Shandong Second Female Labor Camp to see my mother.I was very disappointment when a labor camp guard leader came insteadof mother. After verbally abusing me for a long time, they stillwouldn’t let me see my mother. The high walls and iron doors of thecamp separated us.
It wasn’t until after I came to theUnited States that I heard more information about mother. In the summerof 2010, although being persecuted very brutally, mother had veryrighteous thoughts. She shouted “Falun Dafais good” every day. She was finally released and father went to pickher up. When I talked with him over the phone, by his low voice I knewmother’s situation was not good. I asked to have a video conversationwith her, however to my surprise she refused.
She said, “Idon’t dare to let you see what I look like now.” My mother’s wordscaused me to collapse. This is the first time I cried with a brokenheart since we were separated. But I didn’t dare to cry loudly and makemy mother feel even worse. Mother comforted me and said, “Don’t be sad.Don’t be sad.”
Actually what mother didn’t understand isthat in my heart, no matter how her looks change, she is the mostbeautiful woman in the world.
This January, my mother came to United States. When we saw each otherovercome with emotion, mother could only silently hold my hand. Thepeople watching us were in tears.
During the two years we were separated I could not celebrate a mother’sday with her. However this year, mother, please allow me to wish you:Happy Mother’s Day!
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